Three years ago today

Three years ago today I was due to have a baby. My stomach was enormous and I was ready to explode.

And terrified. He was pretty easy to take care of in there. I had the basic concept down. But I knew that in just a matter of days my life would change. Life-long, unalterable change. I'm always a bit puzzled by first-time moms who can't wait to say farewell to pregnancy. Sure, sleeping was the most uncomfortable it's ever been, and my ankles each took up their own zip code. And, yeah, I was anxious meet this new little person and see whether or not he has my nose.

But in other ways I felt like I could be pregnant forever. I knew what I could/couldn't do. And being able to see my legs was optional, right? *sigh* Sooner or later he had to come out. And he did.

And...he...is...AMAZING. I seriously have the best almost-3-year-old boy on the planet. He's always delighted and fascinated that I come home from work every day. He loves fiercely. This morning he told me he loved me with no prompting whatsoever. (Although that might have been because he wanted to play on my computer.)

The jury's still out on whether or not he has my nose. But he has my pale skin. My love for books and language. My stubbornness independent streak.

I hope he keeps those things. (Not that he has much choice with the skin.) I hope he's still reading as a teenager, as an adult. I hope he loves Harry Potter as much as I do. I hope he holds onto that independence and learns to think objectively...but I also hope he wisely uses his natural charisma to build lasting friendships and relationships.

I hope that as we both grow older and my imperfections become more obvious, that he'll remember how deeply he loved me as a child. How deeply I'll always love him. I hope he'll forgive me for all the things I can't provide, and appreciate the things I can.

Happy (almost) birthday, Ri! You're the best thing that's ever happened to me.